Bah, Stuck

I was almost there, and I'm still almost there, but I'm stuck. Where's there? Active and decisive. Working on goals. Content and not feeling much anxiety. More on days than off days.

I need to start making a lot more money per month than I'm making now, and starting very quickly. There too, I was almost there - I am cutting it, but I was about to get ahead and said meh instead.

One thing leads to another. One thing in the plan got delayed by inaction, and I'm now too anxious about that, to continue at all. This, despite the fact that, when the fat's on the fire, I'm pouring out work at a pace that would make me wealthy in 6 months even at sad, sad per-word prices. I make the deadline and then I shut down again until I have to meet another deadline.

I have this lifestyle where I can goof off so much of the time, and I've taken advantage of that for so many years that I am having real trouble stopping.

I'll get a handle on this current crunch at the last possible second, if not sooner. But I could be making things a lot easier on myself by banging out the current project at a pace that says "how fast can I do this?" -- and then finding more jobs and banging them out fast too. Instead, I'm setting deadlines I could meet at a casual pace, and then waiting until I can only do it at my fastest pace. And spending too much of the spare time just mildly freaking out. Wanting to work, but feeling all this pressure, as if ceasing to slack means ceasing to have slack.

Meh, blah, phooey. I even have chocolate ice cream and wine. I write about gaming for a living, not to mention some other entertainment stuff that men really, really like. I have oodles of slack. Why can't I be content with working harder?

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